Barb's Tales from the Spank Tank: Far behind..

So, I've been slacking on writing posts. I know it. It was a holiday. I was sick. I had a flat tire. The car broke down. I was mugged. My grandmother died. My wife was on the rag. Whatever the reasons, I havent written a witty, humorous post in nearly a week. What have you asshats been doing this whole time without my clever insights and amusing tales?? Watching porn and spanking it, most likely. At least, thats what I would do.

So, let's recap the past week, shall we?

People living in my house: I'm a pretty open guy. I can take a lot, and my fuse is pretty long. (I said fuse, you perverts!) So, when things get annoying, it takes a long time for me to get truly pissed. I reached that point this week. Lets start off with the nose hair trimmers. I use them. I need them. Its a fucking forest up there! And I like to be groomed. I dont need braids of hair coming out of my nose for christs sake.

So, of the People Living in my House, guess who's been using my nose hair trimmers? Give up? Me too! I'm guessing its either Baby Daddy or the stray that we picked up a few weeks ago. Either way, a nose hair trimmer is a personal grooming tool. It isnt for sharing.

And both of these People Living in my House are young men. Below the age of 25. Think back to when you were 25. Getting it up wasnt a problem, right? Would you ever think to use Viagra at 25?? Me either! But one of them is popping them like fucking candy! At this point, I have lost patience and the whole, good guy routine.

I am starving to death, there is no food in my house, no snackies, and now, I have a violated nose hair trimmer, and a shrinking supply of Viagra! And my laundry has been in a pile on the floor for over a week. Keep in mind I have 18 cats.

And I've been sick. I think I have Lyme's disease. Or crabs. Cant keep the two straight. I havent even felt like watching porn! I know, I know - its becoming tragic, and I think I need to see a doctor.

The Gay Report: His Royal Gayness has been astonishing us with tales of his gay cruise. I will spare you the disgusting details. Here is a picture of the "twins" he found on board the ship. Matching outfits. In light blue. Jesus, they are so gay.